


The Fools on the Hill (well, rooftop)

by tiny_cactus_takeover



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien and Alya share one braincell and Marinette has it, Fox Alya Césaire | Rena Rouge, Hot Mess Adrien Agreste, Miraculous Holder Alya Césaire, Secret Identity Fail, chaotic duo, kind of crack, no beta we die like men, they are all just really dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:06:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22488406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiny_cactus_takeover/pseuds/tiny_cactus_takeover
Summary: Adrien and Alya learn each other's secret identities and Ladybug is going to kill them. Not really they're just dumb. RIP Adrien and Alya.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 104





	The Fools on the Hill (well, rooftop)

**Author's Note:**

> it always bothers me when people blame Marinette for not wanting to reveal identities when?? She literally?? Is just?? Listening?? To Tikki?? And Fu?? Like guys pls I bet she would have told at least SOMEONE to help her if she could. Also Chat and Rena have one brain cell between the two of them and Ladybug has it. A true chaotic duo.

"Oh God Rena, we can't let Ladybug figure out that we know each other's secret identities. She's going to kill us" Chat Noir panicked as he paced on the rooftop. This was bad, this was very, very, very bad. He mentally said goodbye to his friends because there was no way that Ladybug would let him or Rena survive the night if she found out. 

Rena nodded furiously looking pretty pale herself. They were going to die. Ladybug was going to murder them and then their deaths would remain a mystery to everyone except Ladybug, but Ladybug would never tell. His dad was going be be left all alone, granted, Chat figured that it would take a long time for his father to really notice that he was gone, but the thought stood. He wondered if Ladybug would replace him and if his replacement would be any good at puns. Oh God, what if his replacement didn't like puns? 

"Rena…" why was it so hard for Chat to talk? "What if the next Chat Noir doesn't like puns?" He whispered.

"SERIOUSLY?" Rena yelled. Oh no, maybe she'd kill him before Ladybug could get to him. He had nothing against Rena, but Chat much preferred that Ladybug be the one to kill him. "THAT'S what you're worried about? Are you kidding me Chat, we're going to die. And as many times as I've said that I want Ladybug to murder me—"

"Retweet" Chat interjected weakly.

"I don't actually want to die." She finished, ignoring him. Rude. 

Chat jumped up. "Rena! I know what we have to do! We can just run away. We can change our names and pretend to date and wear wings and stuff just to be safe, she'll never expect it!" This could work. It would have to. He'd never get to marry Ladybug and have three kids and hamster but at least he would be alive? 

"Sunshine, you're pretty and all but you're not my type. And I have a boyfriend. Your best friend? In case you forgot? Besides, it wouldn't work. Ladybug would find us anyways we have no choice but to accept our imminent deaths." Rena sighed. 

"Oh right. Wait! That's it!" Chat jumped up. "Ladybug doesn't know our identities! We can just go home, detransform and never transform again." 

Chat felt proud of himself. Rip to Paris but Chat lives matter. 

"Chat you dumbass, Ladybug gave me my miraculous. She knows who I am." Rena said as she rolled her eyes. Well that put a wrench in things. But Rena apparently wasn't done being dramatic. "Oh my God, she knows where I live. There's nowhere safe for me now. Chat, tell Nino I love him." 

"So… in other words, we're dead"

"Yeah, so dead" Rena agreed. 

Chat heard a snort and frowned. Why would Rena be laughing at a time like this? They were going to die. He glared over at Rena but froze when he realized that she wasn't laughing. 

But if Rena wasn't laughing…

"Rena are you forgetting that your miraculous let's you cast illusions?" A very familiar voice calls out. 

Ladybug was here.

So this is how it ends, Chat thought. This is what his life had come to. He turned to face his Lady. She looked as beautiful as ever. Chat figured that if he was going to die, being murdered by Ladybug was not the worst way it could go. 

"Ladybug, Chat and I know each other's secret identities, pleasebemerciful" Rena rushed out. 

"Traitor!" Chat exclaimed, jumping to his feet. "I thought we agreed that we weren't going to say anything, Rena!"

"Yeah, but maybe she'll be nice about killing us if we're honest" she defended.

"Guys—" Ladybug sighed. 

"Or maybe she wouldn't have to kill us if you didn't go and tell her that we knew!" Chat exclaimed as he pointed his finger accusingly at Rena. 

"Guys—"

"There's no way she didn't know Chat! It's Ladybug! She's, like, all-knowing or something. She could probably sense it" Rena said point accusingly back at Chat. She made a very good point, or maybe it was because she was pointing so aggressively. Chat couldn't be sure. But Alya was smart, so he figured Rena probably knew better than him. 

"Oh God, she could probably sense it," Chat sunk to his knees and turned his head to Ladybug, who was still perched on the chimney above them. "That's why you're here isn't it?" 

She rolled her eyes. 

"I can't sense things guys, where did you even get that?" She pinched the bridge of her nose. She looked beautiful even as she lied. 

"M'Lady, you don't need to hide it. We're dead men walking, you can tell us that you're psychic" Chat said. He wondered why Ladybug got all the cool powers and he just got a cat that ate smelly cheese.

"Chat—what?" Ladybug looked done. She must really not want then to know about her powers. "I'm not going to kill you! Why—" 

"Lies!" Rena shouted, startling ladybug as she pointed wildly at her. "I see what you're doing. You're just diverting the conversation, but it's not going to work, Ladybug, since you're going to kill us you might as well tell us about your powers"

"Rena, I'm not going to kill you" ladybug sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose again. "I don't—why are you under the impression that I'm the one that wasn't to keep the identities secret?" 

"What?" Chat yelped. "Of course you are, M'Lady, you always—" 

"I'm just doing what my kwami tell me!" Ladybug gracefully jumped from the chimney stack to the roof, and Chat thought that she looked like the angel of death as she did so. Beautiful and deadly. He could feel the end approaching but, what a way to go. 

"But, Ladybug, You're literally the one that told me that I couldn't tell anyone my secret identity." Rena complained. 

"Yeah, and you're always the one to say no when I ask for reveals." Chat said as he inched away from Ladybug. She may have said that she wasn't going to kill them, but he wasn't going to take any chances. 

Ladybug looked annoyed. "Chat, doesn't your kwami tell you anything?"

"No" he snorted. Plagg, being helpful? Not in his lifetime. 

"That—well that actually explains a lot." Ladybug looked thoughtful. He wondered what was going on in her mind, but figured that even if he knew he probably wouldn't be able to understand anything. "I'm not going to kill you—where did that idea even come from?—and I'm not mad that you know each other's identities. It was an accident. We're not allowed to know identities because it's dangerous, for obvious reasons that you should know Alya, and Tikki told me that we aren't allowed to."

Chat blinked. "Wait—really? All this time, it was because your kwami told you not to?" 

"Yes! God you have no idea how bossy Tikki can be! I love her, but I can't do anything otherwise it's: 'Ma—Ladybug you can't do this because it's not something a literal saint would do and obviously that would make you a horrible person' or 'Ladybug you can't tell anyone your secret identity but if you lie to hide it then you're a horrible person.' I can't even breathe without her telling me that I've somehow disgraced the miraculous. It's exhausting." Ladybug groaned and sat down. This was… new information. Chat didn't know what he expected but it had never really occurred to him that Ladybug's kwami wouldn't be like Plagg. She sighed. "Yeah, so I don't care that you know identities. Honestly, it never made sense to me that you couldn't know the identities of the other heroes, Chat. Like, what if I couldn't leave a fight to get help? Or what if I was somehow indisposed? You'd be left on your own, unless you got Chloe, but we all know how helpful she is."

"I… had no idea. Wait, so if you didn't care, then why couldn't I know who Rena and Carapace are?" Chat questioned. He felt like he was learning a lot today. 

She shrugged. "I don't know, the guardian said so and I figured I should listened to the guy that gave me the magic jewelry." 

Chat didn't know what to say. Everything had changed and nothing was as he had thought. Next he'd learn that his dad was actually Hawkmoth and was trying to bring back his dead mother. He shivered at the thought. 

"So, then, can we know your identity Ladybug?" Rena asked and Chat suddenly remembered how smart Alya was. She was asking the real questions.

Ladybug gave her the neutral face of displeasure, and Chat's hope that he would finally know the name of who he was in love with died before ladybug could even start to say "no."

"Why not?"

Ladybug rolled her eyes. "Just because you know that I don't like the secrets doesn't mean that we can stop keeping them. Trust me, I'd love to be able to know who my best friend is," she looked at Chat and he could feel his face warm and his heart fluttered. "Or be able to tell someone that I'm actually the girl in the red and black polka-dotted suit that saves the city and that's why I'm always late and flaking out with the shittiest excuses, but we can't" 

"Well that sucks," Rena frowned and Chat agreed with her. 

And then Chat Noir got an idea. A brilliant idea. His best yet. "Claws in"

"Chat Noir! What are you doing?" Ladybug yelped. She’d barely managed to close her eyes in time to avoid seeing his civilian form.

Plagg, oddly, was just quietly eating his cheese. Rena was just gaping at him, probably admiring his intelligence and boldness. 

"Rena already knows my identity, so you might as well too" Chat said smartly, like the smart cat that he was. 

"Did you not listen to nothing that I just said? We can't just reveal identities!" Ladybug said. She sounded distressed and he was sure that if her hands weren't still covering her face she would be glaring at him. But he had already accepted that he was going to die tonight, and figured that this was worth the gamble.

"I heard, M'Lady, and I decided that it would just be easier for us to know. It's not like Plagg cares" Adrien said as he gestured at the eating kwami. 

"He's right. I don't." The kwami said finishing the cheese. Chat blinked. Plagg being helpful? That was new. 

"That's not the point!" 

"Come on, LB, Sunshine here is right! Your kwami can't get mad at you for what Chat did" Rena leaned forward eagerly. She was probably the only other person that wanted to know Ladybug's identity as bad as he did. 

"You're just saying that because you want to know who I am" Ladybug accused. Adrien was awed at how clever she was.

“And so what if I am” Rena challenged. 

“No.” And with that, Ladybug blindly threw her yo-yo and swung away.

Adrien and Rena stood on the roof in silence, realizing that they had been had. They should have known that Ladybug would find a way to avoid the situation. 

“I guess that’s goodnight, then,” at least they were still alive.


End file.
